I am...

What a semester! I can think of no better way to describe the last 5 months but transformational.

People often talk about "finding" themselves during college or some midlife crisis. I really wasn't looking for myself or trying to figure anything out. From one situation or another, however, it seems to me that maybe it has taken me 21 years to begin to know who I am. I think I am starting to find myself.

Between my relationships and my job and my classes, I am seeing myself, and the world, through new eyes. And what I have found is broken, but also beautiful. It is a chance to allow Jesus to dwell more freely in me, to move and mold me. It is an opportunity for me to see some things that have to go and other things that have to come.

This new knowledge has been meditated upon for sometime now. And truthfully, it really doesn't mean much to anyone but me. Yet, it seems so profound and so (again) transformational that I think that everyone should find themselves.


If you should wonder what it is that i found, this sums in it up quite nicely.
"Ah! believers, you are a tempted people. You are always poor and needy.  And God intends it should be so, to give you constant errands to go to Jesus. Some may say, it is not good to be a believer; but ah!  see to whom we can go." --Robert Murray McCheyne

Thankful

This Thanksgiving holiday has been a little different than most years. I suppose it's because Next Thanksgiving I'll be 20ish day from graduating college.

Scary.

Getting to this point in my life has truly prompted me to be thankful for the last 21 years and all of the people who have been a part of my life. 

God has been so faithful in teaching me how to be present and contents. 

So, like every blog on the internet today, here's my thankful list. 

1. Christ - Not to be cliche, but really. He's too good. 
2. My parents - I hope that someday I understand how much you have given up for us. Thanks for making the tough calls, for loving us deeply.
3. Matt Bay - You are THE coolest. Seriously. The reason you love me is a mystery, but I'm so blessed that you do.
4. College - It's been a crazy 3 years. Thankful to not have 3 more. Thankful for the friends I've made, the professors who legitimately care, God's providence in affording it. 
5. Work - Buckner International popped up on my radar during my first semester of college. Somehow, I landed a job, and it is SO cool. Thankful for fun co-workers, the best boss, and the opportunity to do something I care about.
6. The Pontiac - Oh, that baby has had her share of troubles. She has sucked my bank account dry over and over, but she gets me to work everyday, and that's all I can ask. But y'all, don't ever buy a Pontiac...

Chicago - Pt 2: The Neighborhoods

Fourth Story Attic View

   When I decided to major in Sociology at the end of my first semester, I didn't really know what I was in for. What I did know was that I felt a deep longing to understand people. Psychology has too much guess work for me, so two years later, I am delighted to know I haven't waste 2 years on private education studying something I hate.
   I don't pretend to know it all, but something that I have been learning a lot about and was able to see first hand in Chicago is gentrification**.

 Starting in the 1950s, many white families who lived in the city relocated to suburbs in a phenomenon  know as "white flight." This basically left most of the inner city a place for low class people and minorities. For a multitude of reasons, the foremost being easy access to public transit, many young professionals (a.k.a. yuppies) have moved back into the city. Another trend that is growing in cities like Chicago is a movement of young, artsy people we like to call hipsters coming to the inner city because...well...it's hip.
   This is changing the face of the inner city. Who can say what it will look like in 10, 20, 50 years? What remains, however, is the residents of the city, whoever they are, need the gospel. They need good news. And they need it now.

New Wave, a hip coffee chop in what used to be less-than-safe neighborhood

What we might consider a one-family house may actual be home to 2-3 families - one on each floor

**For a real look of the impact on gentrification in Chicago, check out this article. It's fantastic .Pushing City Limits by Emily Miller

Chicago - Pt 1: The City

My trip to Chicago seems like a blur. We were so busy, and the Texas heat followed us. Regardless, Chicago was an unforgettable experience.
 

First glimpse of Chicagoland

There are over 1000 highrise buildings (Dallas has just over 200).

Chicago is known for is exceptional parks...

Millennium Park

...and pizza...

Lou Malnati's (Best.Pizza.Ever)

...Navy Pier...

...Sears/Willis Tower

This view.

...Chinatown...

...the water taxi...

...the art...

Cloud Gate, better known as "The Bean"

Chicago is beautiful. And big. I can't even wrap my mind around how massive this place is. From the Willis Tower, it seems like it never ends. The lights just go on and on.

This is, however, a very superficial and tourist-y view of a city of 2.7 million people (twice as many as Dallas) and 9.4 million in the metro area.
Part 2 is on its way. Stay tuned; greater things are yet to come.

Summer Again...

June is almost over...How did that happen?

The last few weeks have been filled with long days and longer evenings. I haven't taken the time to breathe in the summer air yet.

I feel like my summer (or life) is just a series of countdowns.
The countdown to Falls Creek: 1 day
The countdown to Chicago: 20 days (eeep! I die.)
The countdown to year 3 of college: 9 weeks (plus a whole lot of exciting changes! More details to come)
The countdown to graduation: 3 semesters!!!!

And every day that passes by is a reminder that time slips away so quickly. I have to find joy in this day.  Some summer day, I'll sit with closed eyes trying to remember how it felt to be in this moment, what it felt like to drive around our small town, making ends meets, and praying my car works in the morning.
Days slips past me and my life is vanishing like a vapor in the wind.

May I make much of His name while i have breath in these lungs; may I learn to be glad in the day in which I find myself.

Still Faithful

   The Lord is so faithful. 

   This keeps hitting me every time I turn around. 

   Without writing a book about every detail of my life, which would bore anyone to death, I have plenty of worries. Lots of responsibilities. Tons of expectations to meet - from other and from myself. It's all part of growing up, becoming an adult, but it can get a little overwhelming. Between finances, schedules, and homework, my spiritual life can get lost in the mix. I forget the definition of intentional  as soon as I say I'm going to be. 

   Why, in this crazy world, does He keep pursuing me? Why does He come through every single time? I could give you 15 verses that tell us why, but it just sneaks up on me sometimes. 

   Last weekend, on the verge of tears, I asked Him why. Why does He bother with me at all? The next day, He used this to show me the depth of His grace. 

   This is me. I am Barabbas.

   But He is Jesus. He is faithful.

Hello Again...

 It's been quite some time since I have visited my own blog. Life has been busy, and I have been enjoying a few of my favorite blogs without much thought of my own.
 So many things have changed and are in the process of changing, so maybe eventually I will have to the desire to catch up on all of those things.
 While various changes seem to be taking over my life right now, my heart is really dwelling on things that are far removed from my everyday life. 
 Last week I had the opportunity to revisit Port Arthur, Texas, a small and needy town in South Texas. Without going into every detail, I really want to share what the Lord has done in my heart this past week. I pray that this makes sense to someone besides me (if not, pardon my rambling...)

• My heart longs for the not-so-glamorous inner-city life. I don't know what I'm going to do there, but nothing puts a stronger fire in these bones than the thought of being a light in that world. 
• Unconventional is the way to go (usually). Church, child-rearing, outreach, gospel-spreading. I don't know what the "right" model is, but I'm pretty sure most of us are doing it wrong. It's certainly worth finding out what the Bible really says about all of the things we seem to be so sure about.
• Speaking of gospel-spreading, why aren't we am I not doing it? My heart cowers when I think of answering to God for all that I have not done. All of the people I have allowed to pass through my life without bothering to impact theirs. I cannot remember ever going out of my way to ask someone - anyone - if they know Jesus. Ever. How can this be okay? 

          There is currently a person in my life about whose soul I often wonder about. We aren't close. Acquaintances at best. Yet I know that the Lord is calling on me to move. Maybe I'll find that he knows and loves the Lord, maybe I'll find that he has never heard the gospel at all. Regardless, it is time to stop making the gospel about me and start sharing it with this world.